Wishing I had the $$ for my coverup tattoo. But I'll be damned if I knew what I would even get...

I realized it's been a while so I figured I'd update this.


Graduation was a blast. Most of my close family came out and my closest friends came as well to see me walk the stage at UNT. It was a really great experience (though long as hell). Felt bad for everyone because I was lucky enough to be the first up and then they (and me) had to sit through the rest of the ceremony with nothing to look forward to. Oh well, it was still cool. We went back to my house and had a big party and then my friends took me out that night and proceeded to get me drunk. Good times

Still working at the hotel but I was recently accepted into a teacher certification program which I start in August. I'm looking forward to it and hopefully when thats done I won't have too hard of a time finding a job. As soon as that happens I'll be able to hopefully do a lot of things: get a new car, move out, have a life, be independent, etc.

I'm going to visit my sister whom I've not seen since I was 9 in Sacramento towards the end of July so that should be interesting. Hopefully it will go well but i'm trying not to get my hopes up to high.

Also gonna see if Robert and I can't take a day sometime in the next couple of weeks and drive up to OK City to see Jessy and boytoy *cough* I mean boyfriend Can't wait to threaten *cough* I mean MEET him.

Not much else happening. I have no idea what we're doing for the fourth, probably just the usual BBQ. Other than hangin with the girls, hangin at home, or working, i'm usually sleeping or reading these days. It's nice and relaxing I must say.

Take nothing and no one for granted

Yeah I still hate boys. Movin on.

So I found out today that my brother Robbie is coming to my graduation. I'm...shocked. I never for a second thought he would actually come. He's a busy guy. I think i've seen him maybe four times in the past 5 years. But he's actually coming..I think i'm still waiting for the call saying "nevermind, can't make it".

Kinda makes me wish everything with Mike had never happened, that he had his life together and that he could come too. That he was still the brother I remember who used to take me to the park when I was five and play Sega with me at Grams. I wish that carrie could afford to make it and Tammy too. I know most if not all of them resent me in some way and that sucks, but what the hell am I gonna do about it. I can't help that I got to be raised by dad and they didn't.

Eh. I'm ranting and I didn't even start this journal out with that intention for once. Oh well.

I'm glad he's coming...

Take nothing and no one for granted

Yeah I still hate boys. Movin on.

So I got to work yesterday at about 3:30. I parked my car on the side of the building like I always do and went in and started my day. At around 10 a guy comes in and says that someone busted into a car on the side of the building, a gray focus no less. I of course run outside and sure enough: it's mine. Front passenger side window, glass everywhere. Well shit. After I calmed myself down (which took a minute believe me. I felt/feel extremely violated) I went back inside and called my boss and then the police. Police officer comes out and we inspect the car. Nothing was missing (all I had in the car was a couple jackets and a sci fi magazine). He says the hole "looks wierd". The shape and size of the hole doesn't match what are normal break ins. He thinks it was either an accident or criminal mischief and likely criminial mischief of the two. An accident just doesn't seem likely because of how and where I was parked. There was no way for someone to back into me and if someone pulled into the parking space too close and hit me with their mirror then the hole wouldn't have been shaped like it was (think rhombus). Plus the tinting of the window was hanging on the OUTSIDE of the car, so its as if someone shoved something through and then pulled it right back out.

Anyway, boss came out, filed an incident report and I drove home, all the while the wind is expanding the hole and I have glass flying into my seat. Fun.

Called the insurance company today and my deductible is $500. HAHAHAH. Fuck that. Got some quotes from some glass repair/replacement shops and the cheapest I found was for %140 bucks. Not bad at all.

Still though, this just really sucks. I didn't freaking need this right now with everything going on. And if it is indeed "criminal mischief" and not some random accident (and I think it is), then WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE?!! And of course we have nothing on camera.

*sigh*

I would however like to say just how much I love my Katie. I love her bunches and bunches because not only is she going to loan me some money to help me pay for the window but she's also going to drive me to class tonight. Katie.Freaking.ROCKS!

And yeah. That was fun my fun fun night.

Take nothing and no one for granted

Yeah I still hate boys. Movin on.

So you guys already know this but I figured I'd give some more information on whats going on. We've been thinking for a while that my dad was going to get laid off because they've been layin people off left and right at his company every quarter. Sure enough it happened today (fun day to get laid off right? haha. >.< ) Anyway, he got 3 months severence pay and now we're going to be trying harder than ever to sell the house and property because that will be key. I'm going to be helping him whenever I can to get things done like rebuilding the fence, painting it, painting the garage, the house, and barn etc. Basically just helping to make the place pristine. Also my parents need to get our from under my car payment as quickly as possible so we're going to do is they're going to take $2000 from the severence pay and put it towards a down payment on a new car for me. I would only agree to doing this if I was allowed to pay them back on this and they agreed. So we're going to set up a payment plan for that and within the next couple of weeks we're gonna go car shoppin. My mom still has her job with the company and it's fairly secure so we're good there. We're likely going to sell two of the horses but that may not happen for a while.

Some more things this means for me directly:
I no longer have medical insurance because that was through my dad. That kinda sucks. I have dental still cuz that's through my mom so yay there. Moving out this year is no longer a hope and prayer but a NEED. I'm going to a teacher fair on Friday to hopefully either get a job or make connections to get a job. Wish me luck there. If that doesn't pan out then i'll look at t-mobile or a larger hotel that would hopefully pay more (and hopefully one that offers health insurance). The goal is just be able to get out as soon as possible to relieve some of the burden. We'll see how well that goes.

Things are not desperate or horrible. They're just a bit harder. I'm not going to have much money for a while so for those with birthdays comin up, or for those wanting to go out and do stuff, its gonna be cheap. :/

Honestly the week just hasn't been among the best. My mom is stressed, my dad is...dealin the way he always does, movin on and doing what he can. I've got six and half weeks of school left so obviously I was a bit stressed already. Things are gonna be tough for a while but we're gonna be good. Thanks for everyones well wishes, it's most appreciated.

Take nothing and no one for granted

I'm serious. I am bloody well sick of BOYS!!!!.

UGH.

I am seriously starting to think that the extremely rare species of MAN is no longer just rare but slowly becoming extinct seeing as how I've met so few. Boys are rampant however. Figures.


Is it really too much to ask for someone to be attracted to me who DOESN'T act like a fucking BOY?! I mean really?

Examples of BOYS:
1. Someone whose goal in life to spend as much time as possible doing nothing but playing video games and smoking weed.

2. Someone completely lacking in ANY kind of ambition because it means they may have to actually do more than the above.

3. Someone whose idea of showing interest in you is by telling you they masturbated to your picture that day. And no. I'm not joking. In a way I suppose its flattering...in a odd, creepy sort of way...

4. Someone who asks you if you want a threesome the moment they find out you're bisexual because ofcourse that's what that really means *insert sarcastic angry tone here*

5. Someone who makes it clear they really want to be with you for years on end and when you finally get together breaks up with you after a month because you got upset about him still missing his ex-girlfriend. Again, I am not kidding.

6. Someone who is nearly 30 and is not actively trying to move out of his parents home (and by trying I mean attempting to get a better job so they can afford to do so) and instead sits around all day doing nothing but playing video games and smoking weed.

7. Someone who actually sends you a text stating "So I guess you're one of those good girls huh? Sex only in a relationship and all that". Again...I AM NOT KIDDING!!!!

8. Someone with complete ADD when it comes to the idea of romance. Example 'Oh man her birthday is coming up I should probably get her someth-ooohlookshinyTVohmygodmusthaveit!!!!' <----not an actual quote, just a theory.

9. Someone so insecure with his potential mate that he feels compelled to ask about the mates previous partners (if any) and constantly asks if he is better or worse than them. He may also freak out and constantly hound you if you do not give him every exact detail about each of those people.

10. Some members of the boy species also happen to have the ability to camoflauge (sp?) themselves as the similar although completely different animal, Man. It is not known how they accomplish this though it rarely lasts for very long. Usually within a few months at the most does the camoflauge cease to continue holding up and their true colors are shown. Sadly some members of the girl species do not always recognize the signs and continue dating the boy, oblivious to his not being a Man. Usually it takes a Woman to point out the mistake, for she has had her own fair share of problems with boys but has learned from them.

What is a Man you ask?

Simple:

1. A Man actually sets goals in his life and works towards achieving them. He is able
to balance his recreational activities with his responsibilities. He actually knows what the word responsibility means. He does not smoke weed (this could be argued but we're going with MY definitions mmmmmk?)

2. A Man has ambition and is not obnoxious about it. He knows what he wants and he goes for it. He has confidence.

3. He shows interest in you by smiling at you and politely introducing himself. If he already knows you, then he takes you by the hand and tells you outright. He is not afraid of holding your hand in front of his friends. He does not share his masturbation habits with you.

4. He never asks you if you are interested in a threesome and he knows what the defintion of bisexual means and what it does not.

5. Does not express the idea he misses an ex while in a relationship with you. Listens to you when you need to talk (and you listen back). You actually hold a conversation not based entirely or at all on sex.

6. A Man, if still living at home, does so against his will because of an emergency or monetary need. But actively tries to get out or back out on his own.

7. A Man sends you a text asking you how your day is going just because.

8. A Mans idea of romance is to actually remember and acknowledge the things important to the person he is with. He does not have to get gifts and he knows this. If he does, its because he wanted to, not out of obligation.

9. A Man never asks you about the details of your sex with previous partners. He knows that if you feel you need to share that information you will. He doesn't keep pressing you if you refuse divulge a detail. He is confident in his abilities.

10. A Man does not bother to camoflauge himself as anything but what he is. He doesn't drown himself in cologne (a pinch is fine), or try to compensate for what he thinks he's lacking by hiding behind his car/truck . He knows who he is, what he wants, and how to treat people with respect. He does not force a Woman or a girl to be or act like something they are not.

A Man is rare. A Man is wonderful. Appreciate him.

Thank god I like women too otherwise my options would be severely limited.


And yes I'm feeling a bit hormonal today if you couldn't tell by this very long rant.

Take nothing and no one for granted